Much pain results from tension. Much tension in the body is constructed in the mind. The body is constantly responding to instruction from the mind. If the perception in the mind is “this shouldn’t happen, life shouldn’t be this way or I should be better or different”, then it is likely that the emotion of frustration will be generated. This emotion in turn generates tension in the body.
So, pain is a consequence of perception. One of the perceptions that drives the most frustration, tension and pain is that of ‘Should’. ‘Should’ is a language of conflict: A fight between what is and what ‘should’ be. “I should be, should do, should have done…” “The world should be more like…” “This shouldn’t happen…” and the list goes on.
‘Should’ isn’t, it can’t be and won’t be. ‘Should’ is an alternate reality that does not exist.
Write your ‘Should Story’. Expose the ‘shoulds’. See how pervasive this language is and recognise the emotions and tensions that follow it like frustration, anger, shame and guilt. Get rid of ‘should’ and you’ll be happier and healthier.
So, what to do with ‘should’? Call it into question: “Who says I should or it should be: God, my parents, the media, society?” Where has this story come from? Can you let it go or give it back? What will you replace it with?
If it’s a story about the world or other can you accept the reality that is, even grieve what you think ‘should’ be but isn’t and then choose how you will respond to what actually is? If it’s a story about what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ have done in the past can you forgive yourself and move on?
If it is a story about now and one that you want to keep, change the language to: “I want or I choose…” If it is something you want to be doing, thinking or saying, then you need to ask yourself why you do not already? Here you will find a barrier to achieving your want. This barrier is tied to fear in some way. It is this fear that you must see and meet in order to execute your want.
Change ‘should’ for your health’s sake.
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